


Howl

by leigh_adams



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Community: hp_canon_fest, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-28 07:15:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leigh_adams/pseuds/leigh_adams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The line between man and wolf blurs on the eve of the full moon, making it even harder for Remus to end things with Tonks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Howl

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the [Summer Pick-A-Prompt Challenge](http://community.livejournal.com/hp_canon_fest/28418.html) at HP Canon Fest on LiveJournal. I would like to thank my wonderful beta, [fiery_flamingo](http://fiery-flamingo.livejournal.com/) , who is my sounding board, voice of reason, therapist, evil conspirator, and dear, dear friend. Thank you for agreeing to pick apart my fic for every little thing that might be wrong with it and for making me laugh with Yoda!duels via YIM. The song that inspired this fic is [Howl by Florence + The Machine](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZweDwbJ_Ic). I hope everyone enjoys reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

The late August air was heavy, hanging over the Scottish highlands much like the constant threat of danger did these days . Dark clouds rolled over the evening sky, blackening out the stars and the waxing moon that hung low in the sky. It called to Remus, that danger, that moon. His entire body pricked with awareness at the keen pull of that waxing orb; it _sang_ to him. Remus reveled in it and despised himself.

But tonight, when the pull of the moon made every sense acute and aching. He _had_ to get out of the castle. Even amongst the thousands of children roaming the halls, he could still _smell_ her. No matter what room he was in, he could always detect a flash of pink, her wicked laugh, or the citrus of her shampoo. It overwhelmed him, threatened to drown him in _her_.

 _Dora_.

This had gone on too long. He had to put a stop to this…these _feelings_ that bubbled up in his chest and made his heart ache when they were apart. It could only lead to ruin for the both of them. Dora was good, and pure, and he…

He was a _monster_.

Merlin help him, but he’d been too weak to resist her. One moment of weakness- or more honestly, three months worth- and he was lost to her. The way her soft skin felt beneath his calloused hands, how the heels of her feet dug into the small of his back when they moved together, how _sweet_ his name sounded when she climaxed; it only added fuel to his ardor.

The beast within him recognized her as his. _Pack_. The feral part of his mind wanted to mark her, to claim her as his for life, and the logical, rational side wanted to hide her away, to keep her safe from the things that went 'bump' in the night.

Things like him.

 

  
_If you could only see the beast you've made of me_

 _I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free_

 _Screaming in the dark, I howl when we're apart_

 _Drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart_

 

Someone- Remus couldn’t remember nor care who had said that grief was a powerful aphrodisiac. He now knew all too well how true that was. It was his only excuse… if it could even be called that.

 _The only thing that dulled the pain was whiskey. **Lots** of whiskey. He’d long since past the point where he could remember how many bottles he’d gone through in the week since… _

_"Sirius." The name was whispered in a hush, reverent tone, and he flinched as another jolt of pain pierced his heart. The Marauders were no more; James and Sirius were gone, dead, and Peter… if he didn’t meet the same fate soon, Remus would see to it that he did._

 _He raised the bottle to his lips and let the last few drops fall, trickling a burning path down his throat. He didn’t want to feel anymore, to **live**. What use was there? The Dark Lord was growing stronger by the day, and the last person he’d considered family- who had returned to him so recently- was dead._

 _Despite his intoxicated stupor, the wolf inside flared up when he smelled someone slip into the room. Sharp eyes- beasts are not held by the sway of alcohol as humans are- moved too fast for his brain to keep up, and another jolt of pain- this time in his head- shot through him. Pressing his fingers against his temple, he rasped, “What do you want, Tonks?”_

 _"Nice to see you too, Remus," she answered, her tone minus its usual joviality and wit as she moved to tug the empty bottle from his slackened grip. Her nose crinkled in disgust, and she peered down at him. "You smell like a whiskey mash."_

 _"Don’t care," he slurred, rolling blue eyes up to look at her. Her customary bubble-gum pink hair was muted today, a shade of magenta so dark it was almost purple, and her feet were devoid of the clunky combat boots she preferred. It explained why he hadn’t heard her come into the room._

 _"Drinking yourself to death isn’t healthy," Tonks replied practically with a sigh. "I know you’re hurting-"_

 _"You don’t know anything about **hurting** ," he growled, straightening from his slump to glare at her. " **You’re** not alone. Sirius…" he choked on the name and let his gaze drop to the floor. He ran one hand across his face, covering his eyes in a vain attempt to block her out._

 _A light weight settled on the arm of the chair, and two soft hands tugged his face from his hands. He didn’t want to, but was unable to keep himself from looking up at her through tear-filled eyes._

 _"Neither are you," she whispered as she slid into his lap and wrapped her arms tightly around him._

 _If he had been thinking clearly, he would’ve pushed her away. Tonks' attraction to him had never been what one would call subtle, and even now he could smell the slight scent of arousal emanating from her body. It made the wolf within respond, rumbling just below the surface of his humanity._

 _That excuse was the reason he pressed his face to her smooth neck and inhaled the fragrant skin there. Her skin prickled into gooseflesh at his breath on her neck, causing his own body to stir into awareness at her proximity._

 _Tonks inhaled sharply and pulled back, cupping his face in her hands. " **Remus** …"_

 _He cut her off with a sharp kiss, fisting one hand in her short, colorful hair. No more words were spoken as they fed the fire that had been long slumbering between them._

 

  
_My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in_

 _You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl_

 _My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in_

 _You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to_

 _Howl, howl_

 _Howl, howl_

It was the first time they made love, the first of many. Sirius had died in June, and it was now the end of August. For nearly three months, they’d carried on their torrid affair, spurred on by their mutual desire and the need to know that they weren’t _alone_. With the constant threat of death hanging low on the horizon, it only added to their desperation.

But he had to stop it

Dora… he couldn’t hurt her. But he had to hurt her to protect her.

 _Protect her, save her, push her away_ , common sense whispered in his ear. _She deserves better than you, more than you_.

The wolf inside snarled, his hackles rising at the mere thought. _Pack. Mate_. Two of the very few human words that his beast recognized, and they pertained to _her_.

 _What have you got to offer her?_ the voice inside his head queried. _A cramped flat, takeaway every night, and a wolf that could rip her throat out with nary a thought? If you care for the girl at all, you’ll send her away_.

And he cared for her. More fool him, perhaps, but the heart and mind were very rarely of one thought where love was concerned.

 _Love_.

It was a blessing and a curse, wrapped in a seductive package and topped with a short mop of pink hair. The fact that he had these feelings for her meant that he wasn’t _completely_ lost to the animal within. There was still a spark of humanity inside him, and it was because of _her_. At the same time, though, it was a curse. He _couldn’t_ love her. Tonks was young, and whole, and pure while he… he was old and scarred and tainted.

But love her he did. And the fact that made it worse?

She loved him in return.

Remus growled and lashed out, letting his hand smash into a nearby tree with an excruciatingly painful force. _Fuck_. Being in love was supposed to be all lightness and beauty, not darkness and angst.

At least it was for normal people. Remus hadn’t been _normal_ in a very, very long time.

A low rumble of thunder echoed across the sky, but it didn’t mask the footsteps his sensitive ears could hear following along behind him. For all that Dora was a talented Auror, she was absolute shite about stealth. The unbidden thought momentarily pierced his gloom, making his lips twitch upwards before descending again into a fierce scowl. He should have known she’d come looking for him. It was as if she had a Tracking spell on him; no matter where he went, she eventually turned up.

  
_Now there's no holding back, I'm making to attack_

 _My blood is singing with your voice, I want to pour it out_

 _The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound_

 _I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground_

 _Like some child possessed, the beast howls in my veins_

 _I want to find you, tear out all of your tenderness_

"Go away, Dora," he called back over his shoulder, his tone sullen and rather childish. "You should be at the castle."

"So should you," she retorted hotly. Despite his words, she continued to follow after him, crushing the flora of the Forbidden Forest beneath her feet.

"I needed to think," he muttered. Merlin, why couldn't she just leave him be? Though she was a good twenty yards away, he could smell her; the spicy scent of her skin mingled with her light perfume. It was a combination he loved, and one that had led him into temptation countless number of times.

Her fingers closed around his wrist, and she tried to stop him in his tracks. "Remus, wait," she implored. "Talk to me, please."

He wrenched his arm from her grasp and made to continue through the woods. "I've nothing to say to you," he growled. "Go back to the castle."

His back was to her, so he was caught completely by surprise when a whispered spell hit him between the shoulders, lifting him into midair and whirling him about to face her before he was sent backwards into the trunk of a massive tree. He hit the wood with a loud cracking sound, and it was only the mercy of a second spell that kept the base of his skull from hitting just as hard as the rest of his body.

"You bloody harpy!" Remus tried to move, but the force of the spell kept him captive against the wood. He couldn't move his arms nor his legs, and in front of him, Nymphadora sheathed her wand, her face eerily calm as she looked at him.

"Everyone forgets what I am, Remus," she said softly, hands resting on her shapely hips. "Even you."

"I don't know what you're talking about. Let me down, Dora, or I vow I will-"

"Do what?" she asked with a barking, hollow laugh. "Kill me? Torture me? The only person you torture is _yourself_. Your bark is much worse than your bite."

"You've no idea how bad my _bite_ is, _Nymphadora_ ," he growled at her, using her hated full name.

She gave him a look, one that said exactly what she thought of his little statement. "The full moon is still a day away, Remus, and I've you at my mercy. What shall I do with you?"

"You shall let me go and toddle back to the castle like a good Auror," he spat at her, trying to flex against the invisible bonds that bound him. "What are you on about, woman?"

"What am _I_ on about?" she asked incredulously. "What are _you_ on about? Two weeks we've been here, guarding the castle, and you've acted like I'm not even here. What's going on?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Remus muttered.

"Wrong answer," she retorted smoothly as she moved to stand just in front of him. Her hands slid up his body, one slipping beneath his shirt as she let her nails rake over his stomach. His skin jumped in reaction, and he couldn't help the shudder that ripped over his body. "Everything you do concerns me."

"It shouldn't," he replied, inhaling sharply when she flicked one nail over his taut nipple. It was hard to think when she was so close. His wants were drowning out the rational part of his mind; the smell and heat of her body, so close and tantalizing, tempted him, and his arms tensed as he tested his restraints.

"But it does," Dora said simply. She reached up to brush the back of her hand against his cheek, and the gesture was so fraught with tenderness that it caught Remus off guard. "It does because I love you."

He tried to shake his head but couldn't, so he settled for rasping, " _No_."

She nodded. " _Yes_ ," she breathed on an exhale, running her thumb over his lips. "I couldn't help it, Remus. It was out of my control."

"You have to stop."

With a soft snort, she shook her head. "Don't you get it? It can't be _stopped_. Meeting you was fate, being your friend was choice, but falling in love with you?" She trailed off, looking down at the earth beneath her feet before she glanced back up at him. "That, I had no control over."

  
_The fabric of your flesh, pure as a wedding dress_

 _Until I wrap myself inside your arms I cannot rest_

 _The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound_

 _I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground_

 

Remus shut his eyes, trying to block out her honest gaze. The fact that she loved him wasn't news; he'd known it for weeks now. But hearing the words fall from her lips... it made it all the more real, having audible confirmation of her feelings. His heart swelled to hear it even as his head raged against the idea.

Torn between his head and his heart, just as he would always be torn between humanity and animal. How fucking poetic.

A cool brush of air swept over his chest, and he opened his eyes to find that she'd sliced his shirt buttons off with her wand. Bound as he was to the tree, it flapped open in the cool night air.

"Release me, Dora," he breathed, skin jumping when she placed her warm palms on his chest.

"I don't think I will," she replied quite calmly, walking her fingers up his clammy skin. "You seem to have forgotten something. See, I am my father's daughter, but I'm also a Black." Her nails sunk into his skin, and he hissed with the tingling pleasure-pain that emanated out from the point of contact. "And Black women... lets's just say that we're made of stronger stuff than your typical witch."

Of that he had no doubt, he thought, watching her rake her nails down his pale, white stomach. Her nimble fingers flicked open the button of his trousers, then took hold of the zipper and pulled it down _agonizingly_ slowly.

"Stop, Tonks," Remus rasped, biting back a grown when her hand slipped into his trousers.

Her hand wrapped around his half-formed erection and squeezed gently. " _Don't_ tell me to stop," she directed, her voice low and husky. "You're at my mercy, Remus, and you'll find that commanding me to do something is _not_ in your best interests."

His hips tried to jerk against her hand but couldn't thanks to the spell holding him immobile. "Merlin, _Dora_..."

With a wicked smile, she tugged his trousers and pants until they fell around his knees, freeing his straining member from its confines. She dropped to her knees in front of him, nails raking over his inner thighs as she leaned in and took him deep into her mouth.

Remus _did_ groan that time, loud and long as his eyes rolled back in his head. Every muscle in his body ached with the need to move against her; his hands were itching to fist in her short, pink hair. His hips tried to thrust deeper into her warm, wet mouth again and again but to no avail.

It didn't take much; Dora knew which buttons to push to make him fall apart at her touch. Every drag of her tongue, scrape of her teeth over his skin pushed him closer and closer to the edge. It shrouded his mind, making it hard to think of anything but _her_.

When she hollowed out her cheeks and sucked at him as if her life depended on it, he let out a mighty shout and came between her pretty lips. His muscles were nearly spasming with the natural urge to rock his hips against her mouth, and his breathing was harsh and ragged as she continued to lick at him until his orgasm had subsided.

His gaze rolled down to her, and the dark, feral look in his eyes made Tonks' eyes widen in surprise.

"Let me go, Dora," he growled, nostrils flaring sharply. He could smell the arousal on her; mixed with the cool, damp air, it was making it harder and harder for him to keep his animal instincts at bay.

"Remus, I said-"

" _NOW_!"

She scuttled back on her heels, removing his magical bonds with a wave of her wand. "You really don't know how-"

Again, she was cut off; this time, though, it was because fifteen stones of pure, unadulterated male were on top of her, his lips fused against hers.

"Is that how you want to play this, witch?" he rasped, hands ripping at her shirt in his haste to get his hands on her hot skin. His lips and teeth nipped and sucked, moving from her lips to trail kisses and bites over her jaw and the smooth column of her neck.

Without care for the garments, he hooked his fingers in her bra and jerked it away, lips twitching as her breasts spilled out into his waiting hands.

Beneath him, Tonks gasped and arched against his touch, and she hooked one leg over his hip to hold him to her. "Remus," she whispered, and he growled at the naked _need_ written in her tone.

His hand slid to her thigh and shoved it off his hip as his lips slid over her smooth stomach. Fingers jerked her button fly denims open, shoving them down her hips along with her knickers. She was perfect and smooth and _so_ wet for him, it made him ache to bury himself between her firm, white thighs.

Frustrated with the awkwardness of her denims, he muttered a quick Vanishing spell and the offending garments disappeared. Tonks started to protest, but he quickly silenced those thoughts as he spread her legs wide for his lusty gaze. She was beautiful like this; open, wet, wanting. It was _all_ for him.

A fat drop of rain fell down, alighting on Tonks' pale skin, and Remus' lips twitched in a knowing, feral smirk. As the rain started to fall, harder and harder, he buried his face between her thighs, licking and lapping to draw out her pleasure.

 

  
_Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers_

 _Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters_

 _A man who's pure of heart and says his prayers by night_

 _May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright_

 

The way she shuddered and moaned at his touch made his blood run like fire through him, threatening to tear his self-control to shreds. Rain beat down on their bodies, soaking through their clothes and coating their bodies with a layer of icy water.

Remus paid it no heed, continuing to tease and torment her as he alternated between long, dragging licks and quick flicks of his tongue against her swollen flesh. She was _so_ responsive to his touch, and he couldn't help but slip two fingers into her. Her inner muscles gripped at them, and he growled against her as his tongue and fingers settled into a quick, punishing rhythm.

It didn't take much before she was screaming his name, her body arching off the forest floor as she rode out her climax. It filled him with a dark pleasure, knowing that she'd found such ecstasy at _his_ touch. That deep male pride ran deep, and it drowned out his sensible inner voice, the one that continued to maintain that this was _wrong_.

His wolf snarled at the thought, not caring for a human's notion of right and wrong.

Dora was still panting on the ground when Remus slid his hands to her hips. "Roll over," he commanded, a clap of thunder punctuating his words.

She started to reach for him and object, but the words died on her lips at the look in his eyes. Sitting up, she shimmied out of the ruined bra and shirt, leaving her completely bare- _delectable_ \- before him. The arousal in her eyes shone through clear as she did as he asked, rolling over onto her stomach.

He growled and shook his head, moving his hands under her to her abdomen. "On your knees."

Again, she obeyed, glancing back over her shoulder at him as she did. "Remus, _please_ ," she whispered, back arching as she let her rub against the damp earth beneath them.

His fingers dug into her hips, tightening until they were sure to leave bruises, and he lined up his hips and sank into her with a groan of contentment. She was so hot, so tight around him that all he could think about was _speed, power, pleasure_.

Her hips pushed back against his, and her cheek was flat against the ground as she panted and moaned. It only served to fuel his arousal, seeing her so spread out before him; _submissive_ to him. She was his for the taking, and that knowledge was heady.

Sliding his hands up her body, he cupped her full, ripe breasts, tweaking her nipples as he continued to piston in and out of her. With all that had previously transpired, they were both on edge, and it wouldn't take much to have her screaming in ecstasy once more.

Dora let out little, breathy gasps and moans, pushing her hips back against him as they settled into a hard rhythm. " _Merlin, Remus_ ," she moaned, clenching around him.

Remus groaned at her little trick, and he leaned forward to rake his teeth over her slick back. The storm continued to lash against them, and the booming claps of thunder accompanied their twin sounds of passion. It was primal, their coupling, and had Remus been in control of himself, he would have been ashamed of his actions. Tonks deserved more than this, more than rutting in the Forbidden Forrest.

But this close to the full moon, it was all too easy to let the wolf within take over his human senses, and the beast demanded Tonks' body as its due. He- it- _craved_ her, all of her.

Her body tightened around him, signaling her oncoming release, and he let one hand slip between her legs, fingertips circling her swollen, sensitive nub.

"Scream for me, Dora," he rasped, biting the back of her neck. He wanted to mark her, for her to wear his bite like a badge of honor. _Mine_ , the wolf growled.

With one final shudder, her back bowed and she cried, " _Remus!_ " as her orgasm washed over her. Her fingers dug into the soft earth, embedding dirt beneath her nails, and she continued to push against him, riding out her climax.

It was too much for Remus, and he let himself spill into her with a long, ragged groan. Shockwaves of satisfaction continued to move throughout him even after he'd stopped thrusting into her; it was one of the most intense orgasms he could remember, due in part to a combination of the woman panting beneath him and the proximity of the full moon.

As he slipped out of her and fell to his hands and knees, his animalistic instincts began to recede slightly, making way for his rational, human side to take over again.

 _Merlin, what have I done?_

 

  
_If you could only see the beast you've made of me_

 _I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free_

 _The saints can't help me now, the ropes have been unbound_

 _I hunt for you with bloodied feet across the hallow'ed ground_

 

He wiped sweat and rain from his face, cursing his stupidity under his breath. He should've pushed her away, made her go back to the castle, run, _something_. Though endorphins still coursed through his system, he couldn't help but lapse into the same angst that had plagued him earlier.

"Remus?" she asked softly, making him start from his reverie. He glanced over to look at her and nearly lost his train of thought. Her pink hair was plastered flat against her head, a byproduct of sweat and the rain that continued to fall upon them. Her skin was flushed with exertion, and her breasts rose and fell with each breath she took.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly when he didn't respond. She propped herself up and reached out with one hand to brush a lock of damp hair away from his cheek.

It was as if her fingertips were made of fire, so hot they burned when they touched his skin. He turned his face from her, trying to block her out of his consciousness. It was a futile effort, but he had to try. "This is wrong."

"How is this wrong?" she asked, her voice infused with a raw passion that made his heart clench. "I _love_ you, Remus. And I think you love me, too. How is that _wrong_?"

"Because!" he shouted, whirling about on his knees to face her. How did she not comprehend what he was, what he could _do_ to her? "I'm a monster, Tonks! I'm what parents warn their children about; the stuff of nightmares. I don't _deserve_ love." _I don't deserve you_.

"That's complete shite," she retorted hotly. "Stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself and open your eyes! The Dark Lord is back, Remus, and I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. What I do know is that I love you, and nothing you can say or do is going to change that."

He growled and shook his head, summoned his clothing with a wave of his hand. As he shoved them on hurriedly, he snarled, "Well, I don't love you," he lied, doing up the buttons on his shirt. "And you shouldn't love me."

His wolf snarled at his human words, hackles rising. _Yours_ , the word resonated through his inner beast. _Mate_.

"But I do!" she cried, and in that exclamation, he could hear the truth of her words mixed with that sense of intensity that rang loudest in the young. "I _do_ love you, and I don't believe that you don't love me." Rising up to her knees, she crawled through the mud and mire to grasp at the hem of his shirt, trying to keep him near her. "Remus, _please_."

"Well, you should," he growled, glancing down at her. "I don't love you, and if you think I do, you need to _grow up_."

The look in her eyes- the sheer _anguish_ clearly written in those dark orbs- made him want to throw himself down at her feet and _beg_ forgiveness, but for once, he stood firm. He steeled his gaze against hers, leveling harsh, cold blue eyes down at her.

"I don't love you," he repeated. "And the sooner you realize it, the longer you might stay alive."

Without waiting for a response, he pulled his shirt out of her grasp and turned to run deeper into the forest. Even if he traveled miles, he wouldn't tire. He was an animal, and running was what came most naturally to him. It was his escape mechanism; both his and the wolf's.

But no matter how far he ran, nor how fast, he would never be able to run far enough away to escape the sounds of her heartbroken sobs.

Somewhere in the distance, a wolf howled.


End file.
